Your tits are I can't wait for
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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