dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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