you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
