Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
