after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
