This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bring me that man meat
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
