you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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