Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
