a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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