We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Enjoy the penises
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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