Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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