Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
