hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want to walk on stilts...naked
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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