I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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