remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
