dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
