so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
