I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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