So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
