The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
