Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
