I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
