i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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