You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
