hotel room ftw
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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