Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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