apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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