dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
