Will you blow on my dice?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
