I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
