i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
