You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
