fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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