oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
