there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
