Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
