Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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