If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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