Only a mothe r could love this liver
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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