pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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