sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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