If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
