Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
