every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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