did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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