morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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