Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
