my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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