I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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