Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
