i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
