as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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