Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
