did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
